Damage controll 101

Why is it that the only time I shyne the brightest is when shit runs a muck?? When it comes to high pressure situtions I seem to pull myself together the best to fix the problem or at least make it go away for a short enough time to regroup. Shts crazy son, because though my damage controll skills are spectacular___YES! I have to wonder why I cant be this efficent when everything is running smoothly. Why do I put shit off and let things get to a point where I have to do any type of damage controll in the first place?? IM convinced that instability for me is being stable. Lyfe has always seemed to deal me a difficult hand,  not that Im complaining because it definetly made me a stronger woman and a creative thinker, but at the same time it has created a comfert with stress that I know for a fact isnt normal for any person. I sit sometimes and dream for hours of a lyfe without the struggle of living check to check and a inner peace that has yet to be discovered due to distractions and a peorid in my lyfe where I harbored alot of self doubt. Ive become very goal oriented since I fell off last year but I fear that Ive lost my free sprited attuide in the process of trying to hit that fateful marker of moving to Dallas to be closer to my kids. ACK! I need a vacation Im getting stressed out right now as I type this blog about being stressed. Im goofy like dat sometimes. :p