I know me

I know who I am and by saying tht, Im by know means saying tht Ive unlocked every mystery tht is me. There are still moments when Im unsure, insecure, and hesitant about the decisions I make and why Ive chose to make them. One thing is for sure though, I know who I am. I understand my womanhood inside and out, my sensuality, my desires, my likes, my dislikes, wht drives me, wht life altering factors have taken place tht make me the person tht I am today. Im in full control of my destiny, when plan A wont work and plan B is impossiable to execute I know the steps and phases tht I take myself through emotionaly as well as physically. I deal with those problems at the moments tht strength and grace are needed with as much as  I can possably muster . I know who I am….
When I make a mistake I know how to kick myself just hard enough to move forward and move on but without kicking myself so hard tht I stomp down my self esteem. It took me a long way to get to where I am today. I wasted a lot of precious time trying to self medicate myself with many different vices on order to avoid the hard work I needed to make myself the better person I know I needed to be. I used drugs, alcohol, men, other people….the wrong people as a crutch to get myself past things about me tht only “I” could get past on my own. I suffered so much hardship and pain on my road to self discovery tht I at times cringe at thoughts of the selfish things I did in order to avoid the sweat I eventually put into the one person I needed to get myself right…tht person is me. I know who I am…
I get out of bed everyday and I know tht I can start my day without singing a song, praying a prayer, and looking at pictures of my children tht hang up on my wall. It took me quite some time to realize tht Im happiest and healthiest when I begin my day with a routine. It doesnt have to be tht specific one but I now know tht to some degree I need the comfert of something stable. Something…anything small will do bc no matter how free sprited I maybe my deepest desire is to plant my roots some place and grow roots. Am I mature enough to persue this desire? I doubt it…am I ashamed? No bc I know me, and tht fact overides all my flaws and faults. How can I fix or improve anything about myself if I dont even know who I am? If I deny myself of the truth about me Im holding myself back from becoming the perfect version of me tht I desire. I know me…

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